My grandma is not doing well. Normally I don't like sharing this information but writing seems to help. She has stopped her medication and has met with a hospice nurse. It seems she's planning for the inevitable. I looked up life expectancy of stage 4 lung cancer without treatment and it says the average is 8 months after diagnosis. It's been six. Scared. They're bringing in a hospital bed and morphine/meds to make her feel more comfortable and be able to stay at home and not go to the hospital. I feel like I'm the only one who understands the gravity of this. Fortunately, I received a call today from my Aunt Nina and she feels the same. Apparently all of her step children and husband feel the seriousness of this. My grandma either isn't acknowledging or isn't grasping the real depth. My mom finally "got it" that the cancer is terminal. It's hard to be far from home too. I feel helpless and trapped. My husband is of course wonderful and amazingly so is his family. They really care about me and my family. Even my friends are filled with sadness that I didn't expect.
I had to tell my boss who has been through many of these situations unfortunately and she recommended I read this book: On Death and Dying . I have been through the grievance of losing a loved one but the last time it was sudden and unexpected. This I feel we can prevent.
Prayers are welcome.
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